The Broken Person by Roy Wasson
Much of “you” was built on what was expected
You are now the rubble of you that was rejected.
You were fit and just right.
You had patience and insight.
Your plans were all laid out.
Random thoughts but no real doubt.
Now this “what is” seems so little.
Dust and spittle
Pain is not a good sustenance meal
Even an animal tries to hide to heal.
This you, this new old version of you
Is more of a reset of what you are to do.
The path you have led
And the tears you bled
Have all brought you to rebuild
Now the outer parts have been milled.
The path before you is incredible
More than the path behind you was terrible.
How to restart your life after hardship: An Essay written by Roy Wasson
I first point people to the Creator of All things. In Him and Him alone does the fullness of life reside. I offer this wisdom I have asked God for and been able to pick up along the way.
Keep throwing good things into the future. Take care of yourself so you are well in the future. Take care of your relationships so they last a lifetime. Forgive but actively avoid when necessary.
Here are some examples of throwing good things into the future. If possible, continue to invest in things that people regularly buy and sell. The Bible says that life is in the blood. Work on maintaining and increasing the quality and circulation of your blood. Slow walking over as long of time as you can work up to in firm shoes often can improve your body chemistry and structure. Increase your knowledge. Bible knowledge is the primary wisdom to get. Get trade knowledge. That means learning that will result in increased ability at work and potential income growth. Add and build relationships that are mutually beneficial. You will over time help more people if you have a large group of people who you have positive relationships with. No matter how much you want to simply serve you need to have a healthy balance of people who love and respect you. Put time and energy into the mutually beneficial relationships.
Look for long term trends and principles that apply to your situation. If you had negative experiences then look for what you might have missed if anything in preventing that. Put effort into healing. We all have blind spots. We all need to be the student and not the teacher in some situations. It is best if you recognize your own inabilities and make adjustments for that. Every situation is not equal. Some decisions will negatively affect people. Not everyone who gets help will allow the help to improve their situation. We emotional believe and hope for things that are not true. A Bible principle is that faith is what makes up what will be. We can hope for and work for a different future than what is in the present. But we need to be grounded in the reality of the moment on what is and what the trends have been. Then our faith can see what needs to happen. We often emotionally believe things that are not true and we have to listen to wise counsel that we gather around us.
Look for people who to add to your life who have had generational trends of good relationships in the family. Add in people who are doing the hard work of unlearning and healing from bad relationships. But make sure the balance of all that is good. Learn to speak how your past has blessed you and what you have learned from it. That is what your past is for.
A Piece Missing by Roy Wasson
Your past has taken a piece out of you. I too am incomplete. I should be able to write exactly as God would have me. But my on life, my own past gets in the way. But God works with us even though we are incomplete. He completes us and heals us. But know when you go through life that you are missing something. This is a fallen world. You were meant to walk in a perfect world where the people around you love you and do not by accident or on purpose hurt you. Life is supposed to be good. You are incomplete because of what was supposed to be in your life. But yet there is another part to the story. You have a bent soul. Your soul intends to make decisions other than God would have you to. If this world was perfect then you might go on and never know your own lack. You might never turn to God. But God loves you in such a way as to reach down in history and design the world around you to bring you to Him. All of your difficulties, all of your lacks and for that matter all the kindness and good you have experienced is designed to bring you to Jesus and to conform you to His Image. You are to be like Him. You sickness and your health are there to make you whole. Whole in the since that you turn to God and He makes you whole. His has your eternity in His Hand and will make all things right. So remember when you go through life that you have lacks. Do not think you can see everything clearly. God will make it right and is working through all things to bring you to Him. Roy Wasson, on the way to Him
The Last Sliver of the Moon by Roy Wasson
Above me is the last sliver of the moon at the end of the year as the sun goes down. My body more apt to sit at a desk walks slowly to the running track. I did my old routine of stretching, but reduced it to one lean-down toward my toes. I hopped in the grass a couple of times as the track was too firm to land on from a jump. In years past on this last run I would stand and think back about the years of racing and running under two minutes for 800 meters. On those old last runs I would run the first hundred meters fast as if I was going to run under two minutes again and feel the rush of air go past. But this year I take no time to be nostalgic. I will do that at my desk that awaits me. I do look at the color of the sunset and absorb in the cool air and feel of the outdoors. I live in the moment and start my watch. For a few strides I feel strong. The last sliver of the moon shines on me and I feel like I might begin to warm up and get faster. After a hundred meters I slow. I am running choppy. It is hard to hold up my weight. I consider running only 400 meters. My stride is uneven and I feel tight. I adjust to my reality and begin to smooth out. I run around the track and feel somewhat fluid but slow. I often joke about timing myself with a calendar but I for real seem to be able to time myself with the setting sun and the sliver of light above me seems brighter as that distant light on the horizon falls. My breathing is a little fast even though I am running very slowly. I know I could walk faster than my run. It is hard to push off and absorb the shock of my weight. But this is not about speed. This is about will I condole myself doing nothing. Will I completely give up? No, I will not. That sliver of moon will renew and so will I. I will run again with whatever ability I can get back. I will not measure myself by my old self. I will only do what I can and see what I can remake of myself. Often on the way to an important race myself and teammates would say it is time to show what we are made of. I am like an old tree that bends but does not break. Winter comes and goes and that tree grows leaves again. For me there will be a new moon. There will be a new day. There will be a spring. When that morning sunshine rings through the window to wake me up on some future day I will answer the call. I will be me on a new day after enduring and growing through these rough and humble days. Happy New Year.
What could not be by Roy Wasson
Is our mood our environment?
Are we formed by the event?
Are we cold inside in snow
and sunny when it is so?
Do we bend with the wind
or do we ourselves send?
Are we made of only earthly metal
or is there more to this soul petal?
If you can determine my course by where I have been
then I am a product of what was outside me that went in.
But if I can chart a course no matter what
and find not what is near but what I sought
then I am more than what goes in goes out.
I am the quiet that comes to shout.
I tear the tempest curtain and stand unique
and find what could not be that all seek.
God is certainly odd. There is a better way of saying that but I do not know what it is at the moment. He does things that are unique. There is a certain timing and message to our life. One that is difficult for us to see and hear. It is easy to decide exactly wrong. If something is difficult then does that mean the Holy Spirit is trying to show us to do something else or is that the evil one trying to keep us from doing what we are supposed to do? People will have answers to that question and try to instruct me in the “right” way to look at it but they do not know anything more than what I know. Here is the best that I can tell you. God showed Adam the animals and said for Adam to give them a name. God is parading events through our lives. We are to decide what to do within His given instructions. The hill is difficult to go up. Do you want to go up or do you want to live in the valley? The valley is good and the hill is good. We humans often assign greater value to what is difficult. But the truth is that what is simple is often of great value and may be what we are supposed to do. When is it time to charge up the hill and when is it time to rest and enjoy the view? God calls us to have His character and decide what we want in life. He will still send the parade by just for His entertainment and if nothing else to provide some grand play to all of heaven. He also grieves over many things but we humans decided to get off His perfect path. The road back is sometimes long and contains events we would rather not go through. Someday in the safety of our finished temporary life and the testimony of our Lord about us we will see the meaning of all of this. For now, what are the events in your life? It is time for you to name them and thereby state their purpose.
Growing up and relationships are difficult. Often there is a loop that exists. One person wants to be treated a certain way but acts the opposite until they get treated the way they want. Sometimes there is some deep seated resentment that no one talks about and maybe no one understands. It is like requiring someone to pass a test but not telling them there is a test or what the questions are. It is difficult make up for the past if no one talks about what that past is. One of the first steps is to accept that all involved are not perfect. That does not mean both are at fault on any one subject. Sometimes only one person is at fault on one subject. But humans are complex beings. We are constantly reacting to current situations based on past situations that may or may not be connect to the present circumstances. When I was a little boy there was teenage boy with big feet who stepped on my plate. I still do like people stepping anywhere near my foot. Give my plate a wide berth. Now each of us should ask what hurts do we have that we need people to give us clearance on. We need to then realize that people acting normally and maybe even nicely might enter that protected zone unaware. They do not see the rules we have set up. Relationships often deal with rules that one side has set up from past experiences. There may be problems without answers because no one knows what the rules are. Often we create a game with the rules in which we and the other people are assured of defeat. The rules can be created so that no one can be at peace. It takes a really calm and honest mind to look through life to see what has affected us to the degree that we have set up protective rules. Then we have to decide if those rules are right and do the hard work of informing people around us what those rules are. If the rules are simply about being nice then maybe the other person can pick up or naturally follow them. But often they are unique enough that someone cannot follow them just by being a relatively well intentioned person. Or, they may be a really good person who happens to not do one thing that is generally socially the norm. I know a man who likes to eat his salad with his fingers. He has to pause to think if that is acceptable at the given place. That might break someone’s rule and likely is not the general way of eating a salad. But he is a well-intentioned man who likes to write to explain the difficulties of this world and help people through it. I hope each of us sit and look at what rules we have created. Look at what things have upset people that we care about and with the understanding of ourselves and what we can understand about others perhaps we can improve the relationships that we have and maybe add new ones.